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By January I Will Be Out Of Your Life

A promise you continue to make
Years later and its still not true
Just leave if your unhappy
Nothing is holding you back but yourself
Those words have become empty
Your never going to leave
Stay miserable
Everyone else is miserable
Your negativity sucks the life out of the room
Life out of the house
Life out of me
Just go away
I still love you
Just go away
Im tired
Your tired
We're all tired
By January be gone
Just keep your promise this time


I hate when people touch my things

I have one corner with a cabinet in the kitchen where I keep all my foods and spices and appliances that belong to me. For some reason today my mother thought it was a good idea to go through my stuff burn a bag of popcorn and then make another one and eat it in front of my dad, who is diabetic, and not offer him any.
She knew what she was doing and it bugs the shit out of me. I think today is a day for my mother to just piss me off by doing little things that affect the way I do my life. I have to buy my dogs a rotisserie chicken every few days so they have something to eat. And for some reason the last few times my mother has eaten portions of the chicken shortening the meal I can make out of it and its just pissing me off. Like you eat the skin so that the inner portion of the chicken dries out and I have to give that to my dogs.

I think I just need some space away from her physically and mentally. She just does a lot for no reason.



My house has fallen into chaos.

People are pointing fingers at other people without proof.

I'm throwing water on the fire and I'm only able to quell it but its still going.

My parents want blood and theyre are willing to blame and innocent person just to get it.

I honestly believe that my mom has done something and is letting her kids take the blame but I have no proof and if I said it out loud I would be crucified.

Today has basically been a mess.

I hate it.

I hate it.

I. Hate. It.
Its been a while since I have posted on here but things have not improved on the Mom front in the slightest. Its tax time and my mother has pushed her and my father into more debt than they had before. She didnt tell anyone that she lost $60,000 gambling or that shes been taking money out of her retirement and not setting aside taxes so now they owe the government $27,000.

But when confronted with this information she makes it seem like its everyone else fault. Its me and my brothers fault because we dont have full time jobs and are not paying to live at home. Its my dads fault because he has a position that lets him work from home and he doesnt spend his money on dumb shit.

She gets like this sometimes and makes threats towards people which makes me question her sanity. She has repeatedly told my dad that she knows where the gun they bought a long time ago is and I take that threat very seriously. Im going to be recording from now on every instance that she says it in case something ever happens.

I honestly believe my mom isnt emotionally stable and if given the chance would hurt someone if there werent any consequences.
And they are absolutely from stress. Dealing with 2 needy parents one who doesn't admit they need help and the other one who calls my name more than I do. My mother needs to become more tech savvy because having me do all her shit for her is annoying me at this point especially as an English major who completely sucks at writing emails.


Maybe your just an unhappy person

There are many times when being unhappy is warranted and many people are unhappy all the time. Then there are people who are unhappy through negativity and their own pursuits. They go out of their way to avoid the good things in life and try to inject others with their negativity. I just wouldnt want to be like that and my mother is one of these people. She doesnt greet people when they come in, she walks in an immediately starts complaining and trying to get people to do what they want.

My Mother Might Be Mentally Ill

Her moods go from average to low where shes basically yelling at everyone and emotionally abusing my father. Its like a back and forth thing and I honestly dont understand where it comes from. Shes really sweet and nice when she needs money but after she gets it and spends it then she goes back to her former attitude. She is sick. I think she doesnt understand that my dads position allows him to work from home and since she went the education route she didnt get the same opportunities. I honestly believe that shes crazy. And she found the gun my parents bought years ago for protection before we were born and shes been fake threatening my dad that she might shoot him when she aint about to do shit. He told her if she wanted to leave or split the house it that was fine but she wants to stay and continue to get that money and always have someone taking care of her buying all the shit she wants when she wants it.

Ugh, I need to take care of my body.

I am starting to realize not that Im older that death is inevitable and its up to me to make sure that I get the most out of life. I am going to have to start working out and stop eating like shit. Vegetable shouldnt be occasional and I should be able to run a fucking mile man. I want to be one of those fat girl runners. Welp time to start.

Groundhog's Day

The fighting has started again and its getting annoying. M is saying the same shit she always has and its sad/interesting watching their marriage fall apart.

Im starting to trip.

M is making me reach my breaking point. She frequently does this not out of concern but so she can text and email F and talk about me or my brothers. She recently took a picture of my feet and tried to act like she wasnt and it pisses me off that she lies and then slinks off into a corner and then send it to F and lectures him like its his fault that he doesnt say anything to us. Im an adult and her ways are starting to piss me off she needs to find a hobby or another job and preoccupy her time worrying about herself. At this point I really just want to tell her to fuck off and never speak to her again.