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May. 8th, 2010

DNW but this version is so good to me...

Writer's Block: It's me, not you

Have you ever broken off a relationship with a friend because it was unhealthy for your self-esteem? Were you proud of your decision or did you regret it?

Yea it was with my cousin she was just bad in general and ifinally had to cut her off.

He Doesnt Seem To Be Catching On

I dont think he gets it and i think he never will. Somehow my brothers over inflated ego has made him believe that he can smoke weed in the house and not get caught and he getting bolder about when he smokes. I think he has a serious problem because every time her gets money its gone in 10 minutes because he goes and buys weed. He also does loratabs and xanax and acts like its nothing. I know this is probably a phase because hes seventeen but i mean come on he cant hold onto $20 for a 3 days let alone a week.
My brother tries to act like hes grown but he does a very bad job of it. When he use to have a job at the movies his money either went to shoes or to drugs and then he would just be broke for  a while. He scrapes up change and he and his friends sit around and wait to buy nickel bags and stuff like that. One of his friends is about to fail their drug test on probation and go to prison while his other one really doesnt look like hes going anywhere in life.
Hes gonna stroll out of high school with a GPA that is the same number as his age (17). I know i have made mistakes in life but like my Sociology teacher told me, there are two roads you can go down. You can be a delinquent and stay a delinquent or you can be a delinquent and change it so that that label no longer applies to you. I dont know what he wants to do with his life but the dreams he has for himself arent going to come true with the mistakes hes making now.
I know my parents know what hes doing and my dd just thinks that its better if he does it at home then to get caught doing it somewhere else. But if something were to ever happen like if he was with us with it on him. We would be fucked. And since he doesnt seem to care about anything he would just shrug it off like he does everything. If it werent for someone helping him to apply to colleges he wouldnt do it himself and would be fucked when it came down to do everything. 

It's like one bad thing after another

To start off 2010 with a bang my brother just banged up the car making it so my my( who is over dramatic) say i cant drive it anymore. Literally all there is is like a dent and maybe some white paint transfer from the pole he hit a little. Everyday my mom complains that were in a "financial crisis" but then she'll go out and buy new blinds because they were 65% off. Or when you go and check her storage she has a Martha Stewart patio set in there because she got it when it was on sale.
The sooner the fall gets here the faster im going to move out. Her voice and just the fact that she never shuts the hell up makes it so that i wanna never come home or never wake up every morning. There always that one person who brings everyone down and manages to make everyone not wanna be happy and that person is my mom. It may sound like "oh this is just one of those phases where it happens for a little while and then your over it. But no this shit happens all the time this isnt the first time shes been this way.
I can count on one hand the amount of times ive actually wanted to be around my mom. She just doesnt know when to leave us alone and when to actually be around. Everytime im around her its like she stays talking about everyone but her own problems. She acts like its her job to constantly point out things in the past over and over again so that no one can get past it because it happened like months ago and its over and we can all move on now.
For instance my dad just got a ticket from parking citation that was $500 because there was a penalty fee because he didnt pay by the due date. He blamed my brother though i honestly think that he was the one who did it he just doesnt remember that day clear enough. Hes making me and my brother split it because even though he blamed Andrew both of us drive so he blames us both equally in some way. But were all past it and know what we owe but my mom is the type of person that likes to make trouble for other people by either bringing up that past problem and going over and over it so that the anger that they had then comes back or she pulls one of us aside and then explains he grievances in front of my dads bedroom door so that he gets mad and punishes us over something stupid.
I dont think i can live longer with her honestly because she just doesnt know when to back off or to not do something when she knows someone else will get in trouble. its getting harder for me to even be around her everyday because if she pushes me any further i may say something i will regret and hurt her feelings but i dont think i know what to do anymore.
So much for a new years resolution and a clean slate.

Parents just don't understand

Ok let me put this picture in your head. I worked at Kohl's for three months on a seasonal position.  After the season i would go back from working forty hours a week to working 3 hours a week @ $7.55 an hour. that's like less than $24 dollars a week and we get paid weekly. MY mom wants to get up in my face because i am choosing to work at UNLV where i work 20 hours a week and make $8.00 an hour and i know that i could just walk over to go work. Her logic baffles me. She goes on this rant about how she got me the job and taught me how to drove and blah blah blah and its gotten to the point where i really don't wanna talk to her anymore. Anytime she wants to make a point the first thing she says is i did this and that for you your not quitting that job i was like yes i  am deal with it. I'm not a fucking robot who's just gonna stay in one place. There's no way i'm gonna not take my job back at the university no matter how many people hate me.
Its just annoying that she stands there and tries to run my life. She goes if you don't work at kohls you wont be driving i'm like i don't care ill take the bus. I'm gonna go to school and i'm going to work at the university. I literally count down the days until i never have to live in this house anymore because she always wants things to go her way and guess what their not going to. From now until fall next year im saving up so that i can get out of this hell hole and live somewhere where i wont have to listen to her and her bullshit she spews at me about ho im gonna do what she says I'm not a kid anymore i think i can make my own choices without having to shake a crystal ball.

Just one of those days

You know when you have those days where you wake up and all of a sudden you realize that everything that you use to be and everyone you use to associate with has become a distant thing that you now want to have back? Well that was this for me. I was bored so i did that thing wher ei look back on my life and what a big clusterfuck it si now and i realize that this really sucks, i never going to be the same person i was before and im always goingto remember how i fucked up for what? $8.47? It wasn tworht it and i see that now. All i know is this really fucking sucks.
Then theres this whole lying to my parents partcularyly my dad which makes m feel bad. I think i have lied to my mom my entire life os it really isnt something that bothers me anymore. But i dont like how she always has to have something to say all the time an dmakes it inconvenient for me to do just about anythingbecause she is just so fucking annoying. When she runs out fo money she always uses other peoples cars until their gas runs out so she wont have to go and get any.
Shes about to do hat now and i always get mad because im not fucking here to pay for your fucking problem you have wiht money.

So my parents have been doing this big crack down at ym house because they found my brothers pipe. But they wont let us have lighters, burn candles, or do anything that invovles doing something outside of the house. It's annoying to sit in my room day in and day out listening to them complain that were using up the electricity or we dont know how to drive and the day i move out im going to be so happy. I'm gonna buy as many lighters as i want and burn whatever i want because its gotten to the poit where i feel like i had more fun in my dorm room then in my house.

Aug. 4th, 2009

For some reason I'm really glad they finally made livejournal mobile. I'm hardly ever at home. But I just wanted to ask does anybody find it offensive when someone says something disrespectful about your ethnicity??

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Blow the whistle

Have you ever kust had a sing just stuck in ur head and you don't even like it???

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I think we get it now, you can stop.

My mom tends to do that thing where when something happens and you get in trouble she tends to bring it up more than once and it gets to the point where im like i think we established that fact it doesnt need to be said over and over so that your point gets proven. Then she has the nerve to sya she has a say in payment for my education when she pays for nothing. Its like shes trying to find ways to find power since its obvious she doesnt have any.